Sunday, April 19, 2009

Episode 9: A relapse, insomnia and an old Friend

I've been having a bit of a relapse recently. 

Not really a just a bit, because that would be an understatement. The closer the new semester gets the more I feel tension rising and panic building, up to the point where I don't know what to do and how to deal with it.

As a result I stay at home. I stay in my room.

And I don't want to leave this little place of hiding from where I know I'm safe. I'm scared to walk through town to see Hannes. I'm not technically afraid of him, but just very scared to meet him somewhere (and worst case scenario -the new gf) because he is somewhat is still important to me (that's what my little confuesd heart tells me, at least). 

I tried to picture the situation and find ways to deal with the "encounter" and can't seem to find the right thing to do. 

#Just saying "hello" and walking away without further talking (to try and keep a possible reconnection and thought provoking statements away from me)

#Saying "hello" and smalltalk (which could be really bad because it could make me ponder about what he said and just messing up my head again)

#Saying nothing at all (childish)

A whole new situation if I meet him with his gf:

#throwing things -NO

#screaming at him -NO

#crying  - NO

# ... "Insert smart answer here"

I just can't get my head to stop thinking about that utter shit. I can't just get to "standby mode" and think nothing or possibly something happy about flowers, rainbows and pink fuzzy bunnies. Thus I have difficulties to sleep at night. I try to think about nothing and when I let my mind wander I find myself getting nervous and sneaking back to the "no-no topic"...

Semester is going to start on Monday, so you can imagine that I'm scared shitless. 

ONE good thing though. 

Wanting to express this feeling I picked up an old friend, my camera and took a picture. I'm not sure if it only halfway expresses what I'm feeling, but well.. here it is.

crush crush crush

-selfportrait 04/2009

There is a lot of things going on at the moment. Family problems that make me worry about my mom and my brother (who thinks I just don't care about anything, or about him.. but all I can say is that I very much care about him, because he's my brother and I want him to do well and be happy)... 

It's just getting me down more than my family or friends can imagine. So I'm not in the mood to go out and the try to pressure me to come with them and don't be such a drag to stay at home. But when someone puts pressure on me and I absolutely don't want something, i get even more stubborn and just completely cut myself off from everyone. 

Unfortunately for me /fortunately for them the new semester is drawing near and I HAVE to go out again :/ 

I'm listening to a lot of music recently and really like the albums from 12 Stones "Anthem for the Underdog" and "Potter's Field" and Fuel's "Angels & Devils" a lot. 

Music can be such a comfort and make me feel stronger and better about myself. But only one song can bring me down again. Like "Colorblind" by the Counting Crows  or "Run" by Snow Patrol (and sadly, there are so so so many of those sad songs, that can instantly make me cry a river. or maybe a whole ocean)...

Also I'm reading a lot of books recently. Two or three at a time to keep my head nice and full of information and stories to make it forget about my own stuff :) 

Today I finally got a book I have been waiting for so long. I think the title will amuse Susan and Kelley very much, so here is a picture of it, as the cover is very essential to the " whole experience" 

with this photo I shallround up my post for today.

Tomorrow, there is a big family gathering because of my cousins holy communion, which will be very long, filled with food, zombies, photos and an iPod full of great songs. 

I hope everyone is doing fine!! I send you a lot of hugs and kisses and <3

I miss my american friends :(

Monday, March 30, 2009

Episode 8: A nearly plane crash, USA trip, dying David and a lack of feelings

I really wanted to blog for such a long time, but since I got back from the USA I really didn’t get the chance and now that I ‘kind of’ have the time, David (my computer) dies (slowly and painfully)…

This means, that I won’t post a long travel log of my USA travels now (I promise I will, when I reformatted David, which most probably will be around Wednesday or Thursday though)…
Nevertheless I have to say, that I absolutely enjoyed my time in the USA, even when it made me happy and sad at the same time. Just a quick summing up of what I did (more details yet to come)

* first thing I did on US grounds at Philly airport: buying a Donut from Dunking Donuts
*my flight from Philly to Williamsport nearly crashed
*I did not miss the food at the cafeteria at Lycoming (still disgustingness like ass cheeks)
*But I did miss my friends a lot
*I went to Washington DC (Air&Space Museum, Natural History, Zoo, Starbucks, Strabucks, Starbucks…)
*I went to Baltimore (Aquarium, Pop Culture Museum…)
*I went to Buffalo (playing some rounds of circle of death and enjoying a ‘Blow Job’ – it’s not what you think, silly!! It’s a drink :)
*I went to Niagara Falls, walking around in the middle of the pouring rain 
*I went shopping crazy in the mall of Williamsport (I miss shops like American Eagle Outfitters, Victorias Secrest, CVS, Wallmart, Target,…)
*I talked to a lot of nice people and tried to get gift shopping done for friends and family
*I also ate a lot of yummy Chinese Food and some other stuff I missed like; T.G.I. Fridays, Pizza, Donuts, Applebees, Subshops, crazy American groceries (not the grapples, really)…
* I got a little star tattoo in my neck as a souvenier and a little gift to myself (my tattoos have a meaning and this one has a really special meaning to me too, but more in the upcoming post) 


I have been working every day since I got back from the USA. 

Arrived sunday the 15th at around 6am all jetlagged and confused in Frankfurt am Main and went to work monday morning 7am.

I have been working every day for the last two weeks and got really sick with a severe cold and sinusitis (still, went to work all the time)… 

Also went to my best friend Judith’s birthday party last Friday night. We had jelly shots, yummy cherry punch and more ‘beverages’ (haha) … I have more pictures, but again David, the fucking idiot, had to die … 

There will be a whole bunch of more pictures soon!

I hope I can get all the pictures and data off the hard drive tomorrow… I don’t hope, I HAVE to … I don’t even want to imagine that it could possibly not work. I think I’d freak out and have an internal seizure.. but I was told not to think about negative things too much.. (yeha..sure)

Also I have to mention, that I have some really weird uncontrollable mood swings recently. 
I still have been thinking about Hannes a lot, also about some more of my family issues, and I really didn’t come to a conclusion or anything similar to a solution or plan of action. 
I still feel a bit lost and confused about what to do and how to react. It seems like there is no proper way to do it but to try and fail or try and succeed. 

Sometimes I feel so awkwardly empty that most probably the verb “feel” is wrong in this sense, because there is an uncomfortable absence of feelings. Like a vacuum. And I’m not used to feeling nothing, … on the contrary.. I am used to nearly burst with all these feelings and thoughts in my head and my heart. So yeah.. I don’t know what this could possibly be meaning for me. Guess, I have to give it some time to figure it out… 

I have also been trying to recall the feeling of being in love with someone or falling in love with someone. The sad thing is, that I really don’t seem to be able to recall this nice warm fuzzy dizzy happy feeling. 

Gosh, didn’t I say that I didn’t want to write too much today? 
I just don’t seem to be able to see when I should put an end to things, literally

Haha.. I also put my procrastination to another l e v e l . A level of not before known laziness and stupidity. 

I promise to start getting things done.. T O M O R R O W .. 
Yup..tomorrow .. that sounds .. promising!

Tschüüüü <3

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Episode 7: Semester Break, Failed Exams and Realizations

Finally, this semester is over.
(at least technically,… two exams left, but there are no classes anymore)

I wrote a lot of exams the last two weeks (I should have written more, but I didn’t even go to the exams because I found, that mentally, I wasn’t able to) and I got the distinct feeling that I might have failed half of them.

It’s not as serious as it is annoying and sad, because it shouldn’t have been such a disastrous semester.

I'm sorry for talking about 'The Hannes Issue' so frequently, but it really bothers me and is very important to me.

On Friday, the last day of classes, I wanted to straighten things out with Hannes and finally get a statement of how things will go on, since I told you that we talked on the phone on Thursday, where he told me he won’t start arguments with his new girlfriend for his friendship with me.

Before we went to the last class together, I got a chance to talk to him in the hall.

I told him how I felt about the situation, that I did all and everything in my powers to be friends with him and that he didn’t and doesn’t do anything or even try. Again, he just said that he can’t, for the sake of his new girlfriend change anything about the situation (which to me seems like a cowardly and spineless excuse). He says he likes me and feels like he messed up my life (damn right he has) and that he still likes me and all…

Well, great,… but that doesn’t just help, if he is too scared to do anything, so just f*** that shit.

I clearly told him that I don’t want to be a second class friend and that I don’t want to be the one giving and trying and holding on while he only wants to take whatever his girlfriend allows.
I won’t take a half-ass friendship with the person that means the most to me, still.

No friendship in this world will work if someone decides to not do anything for it. Friendship is not only a TAKING things and I thought that Hannes was old and clever enough to understand the concept of GIVE and TAKE.



End of story, he says he won’t stress and endanger his relationship for a friendship with me, which consequently for me means that I will have to retreat and break off all and every contact with him.

This realization just hit me and it hit me hard because I never thought something that meaningful and big would end like that and go down like the Titanic.

From this point on there is nothing more I can possibly do, which also hurts since I really would have given everything and done everything for it to work. Also, I really wouldn’t have wanted to give up for the sake of HER being content and happy with my retreat. It makes me angry to even think about how happy SHE might be now… But then I didn’t do it for HER but for me (or else wise I had to give up myself) and maybe I did it for Hannes (because I want him to be happy … because I still like him).

For now I have to try to get my thoughts away from him, HER and us and everything that reminds me of him. It will be hard and it will hurt a lot but there is no other way, no more thing I can do.

Knowing this makes me feel so helpless and restricted again. I feel panic rising because I know I can’t do anything more or change the whole crappy situation. I want to hit Hannes and scream at him how he messed up my life, how he managed to make me feel like something less important than a trash can, how he threw away our friendship and how he left me on the curb although he promised to be there for me.

I will survive. It will hurt like hell, there will be a lot of bad days and “relapse”- phases and I will miss Hannes very much. I'm a bit scared.


Something big on my TO DO list during my semester break (but even bigger on my PROCRASTINATION list) is an important exam on the 19th of february. I’m having a hard time to concentrate and I do everything not to have to study!

Today I made dinner for me and my mom (stuffed mushrooms with pasta) and I made ‘white chocolate cupcakes’ which look so cute and yummy (took some photos of it to procrastinate some more)…

Also, I was playing some with my bunny Maja, who is still not eating anything but hay… Some while ago she stopped eating her pet food and got really thin and weak. She still doesn’t eat her pet food, but as long as she eats a decent amount of hay she should be fine.. for now :/
Took some pictures for Alli, because the bunny does the weirdest stuff sometimes!

                                                          The bunny disapproves!!

                                                               The funny can fly!

                                                       Oh noes!! It's a bunnybird!
Enough for today.
It's 1 am and I have to catch the bus to get to work today at 8.15 am... 

There's going to be a lot of work this week. Thursday night, I will be working an extra shift from 6pm to 11pm because there'll be a lecture and I will be serving drinks and selling books! Also there's a lot of studying and procrastination to do... 
I'm so so so soooo looking forward to go to the USA on the 25th of february and to see my friends again!!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Episode 6: Heartbreaks, Heartaches and Breakdowns...

I know it’s been a while – actually a really long time - since my last blog post here.

Looking back on the previous posts, when my life seemed to be just fine, happy and great, looking at it now it seems like a burnt down city in ruins and ashes. 

I won’t be able to explain everything that happened in just one post and some of the things better stay untold, because just thinking back of all the horrible things makes me really sad and that just gets me back to my depression mood again. 

If someone told me the story of myself of the last six months, I’d say that they are kidding and this kind of crap couldn’t happen to just one single person, and if it could, it had to be really really bad low budget drama.

So it basically started last August, when my Dad ‘left’ .

My mum and I were shopping and when we came back we found a note on the kitchen table saying that he had to go and won’t come back. Everybody only lives once and that this was his life and his chance to live. He left just like that. No warnings. Just gone.

After that happened I retreated a lot, basically hid from the world, but I still had Hannes, my (now ex) boyfriend, who was the biggest support anyone can probably think of. He tried to cheer me up and to be there for me, but I guess he was having a hard time to do so, because I couldn’t just be happy and carefree. I was more than just glad that he was trying to be there for me, but I think I might not have been able to properly show that.

Then, after long time of hiding I went to the vet with my bunny. She just needed a shot for the weird bunny disease, but the vet didn’t even get to that part. She had the bunny on her arm and didn’t hold it properly and when the bunny (being scared) tried to leap off her arm she squished it with her elbows and broke its spine.
The bunny gone, too, I was just devastated. The bunny had always been there, just silent but there and cuddly when I was sad. Having spent a lot of time in my room alone the last weeks the bunny got my little silent companion. 

Still Hannes was there for me.
But that, too didn’t last very long. He broke up with me early September. I just couldn’t believe it. He was the one supporting me during the hard time and telling me that things would get better in the new semester, that we would go out and do stuff and that our friends would be there too and that we’d go on vacation next week. Obviously, we didn’t.
I couldn’t and I still can’t understand how he has been there to support me and promise me all those things and then … just leave.

It’s been the worst thing that ever happened to me and I can’t believe that there will still be something that could probably affect me in that way ever again. I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, the person I trusted most and that knew me best, my support, the place I felt home at and just every little hold that was still left. 

I felt utterly and completely alone, desperate and I wouldn’t have minded dying. (sorry if that sounds cheesy and stupid)… I couldn’t do anything anymore. I couldn’t concentrate anymore, sleep or eat. I just completely lost track and focus of what was happening around me and whit me. And I didn’t mind in the slightest. 

         So after about a month he told me he was on love with someone else. All the time before he told me I already felt that this must be the thing that happened and when he told me I was proven right and it hurt even more. It got a lot worse during the semester when we had classes together and he was sitting next to me. I couldn’t focus on anything anyways, I just went to class to keep myself from sitting at home and being tempted to maybe hurt myself. Most of the time I could keep my tears and feelings inside until I arrived home and then let it go … But quite sometimes I was just sitting in class crying and not caring about anyone seeing me cry. 
Everything and anything reminded and still reminds me of us… him and me… just every little thing and I can’t see a way to make the hurt go away.

So now he’s dating this other girl, who, on a very weird and grotesque way sent me messages to let me know she’d never stand in the way of a friendship between Hannes and me. 
Hehe… so I just leave the guessing part to you now.

- Of course, she doesn’t want Hannes and me being friends.

- Of course, she doesn’t want Hannes and me doing stuff together.

- All we are ‘allowed’ to do is maybe go to a café and have some coffee or talk on the phone. 

I was thinking about this a lot and the last 2 months. I did my absolute best to be content with how this has been going. But since Hannes, when we broke up told me, he would never let anyone restrict him in a way to not see me or do stuff with me anymore, I was still hoping that the situation would change… maybe … hopefully. Sadly he dindn’t and couldn’t keep this promise since he just subjects to what SHE tells him to. 

I was hoping I didn’t have to lose him completely and forever, since he is the only person on this world I completely trust and that just knows me for who I am. I was wishing for us to be friends and for me to still be able to have him as a part in my life, as a very good friend. 


Today we were talking on the phone.

Tomorrow is our last day of classes and then there is going to be a break until mid april. I was suggesting to him that I’d just try to not contact him for the break and with that give him and his new girlfriend the possibility to be happy, since this is what I wish for him to be. With that in mind I was hoping that after the break we could try to be friends.

     He always keeps saying he’s sorry that he can’t change the situation and he can’t do anything for the situation to clear up and get better for me because he doesn't like to see me suffering. 
The thing is he actually is the ONLY ONE that probably could do something for the situation to clear up or change. He could try to talk to HER about it and make clear to hear that we are just friends. But he told me he told HER once (or maybe twice) that he wanted to do stuff with me, but since they then naturally had an argument (which Hannes doesn’t like and always tired and tries to avoid) he stopped talking to HER about it, to aviod arguments.

Well back to the phone call:

I told him that he was the only one being able to change the situation in making clear to HER that the HANNES-KAT stat is just f-r-i-e-n-d-s
He told me that not one more time he will be going to argue about me with HER, since he doesn’t want to destroy his new relationship or stress the new relationship because SHE clearly told him she doesn’t want him to do stuff with me. 

He says talking on the phone or meeting in a café would be enough as friendship. 

I don’t think that it would be enough for me. Not only because I would have tried anything , just any- f***ing – thing, to possibly try to be friends, but also for he still is the person that means most to me in this whole wide world – even as a friend. 

So him telling me that he won’t argue with HER again just because of me shows me my position. I can be a second class friend subjecting to HER wishes and restrictions of our friendship or I can be nothing at all.

I guess I’ll go with the NOTHING then.

I can’t allow myself to hurt and bleed to death while I try to keep up a pseudo friendship with someone who is so much more important to me that a pseudo friendship could ever give.

     I mobilized all my strengths the last 3 months to cope with this all, and try my best to keep it up, and with ever little bit of me trying to keep it up I lost a little part of myself on the way, gave up a little part of myself while I was trying to adjust to what our friendship was dictated to be like. So what did he do  be friends with me? Did he try? Would he even want to when he doesn't show any sings of wanting to change anything? Is this how it's supposed to end?

I feel empty. 
I feel just dead and weak.

I now see where he places our ‘valued’ friendship… but I’m not going to sink that LOW to go with that.  

This realization really hurts. 
I cried all day and I still need to do work for class that is due tomorrow.
I’m still crying while I type this, … 


I'm sorry if parts of this post are incoherent and full of spelling mistakes.

I don't care enough to make this post look nice or grammatically/literally valuable.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Episode 5: Yes, there is a hangover after a Caffein Rush; BBQ and Soccer Crazyness in good ol' Germany!

It’s weekend again!
Not that that means anything, but oh well…

The last week I have done some more research and written a term paper. (The one that I had to hand in the 17th… When Alli and Eric still have been here in Bamberg I already felt, that I couldn’t get it done in time so I emailed the Professor who gave me a little more time so I could finish it…) It’s a history paper (ancient history) and is about the “ Imperial Madness of Julio-Claudian Family; Research on Caligula”… it sounds a bit weird but actually it was quite interesting and I’d tell you more if I wouldn’t already know that nobody wants to hear about it ;]
Anyways..if you are interested it is 28 pages (in German..haha..sorry)!

A dead Kat (working for 13 hours in a row)
A little digression: Don’t give caffeine to your Kat

I’m not sure if you know, but I totally hate coffee – the taste of it makes me …. Ewwww!! – so while I was writing the paper I had some difficulties in staying up late to get (lots and LOOTS , I mean LOOOTS and lots of ) work done so I went to the grocery place to get energy drinks (Red Bull and Effect) and Coffee Stuff (Esspresso, Coffee, Cappuchino.. –grossness!!!).
So I came home and had an energy drink at about 8pm. An espresso at 9.30. Big cup of coffee 10.45. A bottle of Coke 11. Cappuchino 12.30.

-> I usually don’t drink coffee because of caffeine making me hyper.. Maybe I should not have consumed so much stuff with caffeine, but I could work until 5.30 am and after that couldn’t sleep :]

Next day I felt really nervous and shaky.. I learned a lesson.

very much awake.. and shaky...

I shouldn't be too happy about that though, because that's just the 'Beginning' of more stressfulness..argh!

To Do list for the next week and half:
- English Presentation on Wednesday (STATUS: 15% done)
- Another Term Paper (for which I sadly don’t have literature) till Thursday (0% done)
- Studying for 2 Exams on the 13th of July (0% done)
- Go to 3 teachers office hours and work out exam schedule with them
- My birthday on 7th of July (won’t have a party though.. not in the mood)

So on last Sunday Hannes, my parents and me wanted to have a BBQ in the evening, but in the morning the sky was all cloudy and getting darker and darker.. It felt really eerie when at some point a weird strong wind shook all the trees and birds and leaves were flying through the air… Then suddenly one could hear a low rumble and cold wind swooshing around. I went outside to see what happened and then in about 15 minutes the sky got really REALLY dark ( it was only like 3pm) …
Weird eerie storm outside (and dark like 10 pm, but in the afternoon at 3pm)

After 2 hours everything was over – a thunderstorm and some heavy rain, but laters, mysteriously the weather was fine again and we could have our BBQ (crazy weather just like in PA..haha)
So here we are having BBQ.. nom nom nom!!

A very interesting close up.

NOM NOM NOM!! I know that this doesn't look like stuff that American People would put on their grill - (at least I was told that American PPL put other stuff on) - there is Brats, Steaks, Chicken Breast, Bacon and laters we put vegetables on..yum yum

Mom: :)
Dad: nom nom nom

I made a strawberry pie for dessert; Hannes at the whole thing!
He really ate the entire thing.. .. sigh...

Tomorrow (Sunday) :
there is going to be the final of the Fussball Europameisterschaft (Soccer Championchip) in which Germany is playing Spain!! Woot woot! I’m going to Bamberg with Hannes because there is a public viewing, for which about 10.000 – 15.000 people will be expected to come (at least!).
I’m not the mega soccer fan, but for Hannes’ sake I’ll be coming, too (not that he is going to notice me around, because he’ll be screaming, cursing and stuff like that) but he complained that I’m not a good Germany fan and I’m not supporting my country blabla so I will be like the ÜBER Germany fan and surprise Hannes… (I’ll take pictures!)

My Germany eye - makeup stuff.. from last time I went to the soccer game with Alli and Eric

I’m pretty stressed at the moment (and I know that you know, so I don’t want to complain about all that stuff too much!) but at least I got little nameless, that Susan wants to be called Hase II ..(which is a good name in my opinion, but my brother doesn’t want it to be called like that, so I just call it like that .. other ppl can give it other names..)

I think she already grew a bit - no wonder.. she's always eating..

A bunny ball :)

I said eating. EVERYTHING.

Where is the Bunny?
THERE is the bunny!!!

Teehee,.. sometimes she goes crazy and runs around jumping in and out of her cage :]

And sometimes she does other weird jumping stuff.
I have a video, but I'm not sure if uploading that thing would work...


Okay,... so I think I'm just going back to work a bit more on stuff - flipping through books and seeing if there is something interesting I could use ( I guess not..but oh well)...
Tomorrow for lunch I'll cook Thai!
(Pad See-Ew (Thai Stir-fried Soy Sauce Rice Noodles with Broccoli, Chicken, and Eggs))
I know that it is going to be dreadful and I think we should go to a restaurant when I'm done cooking because I'm not good at asian cooking :/
(there shall be pics for your amusement!)
Hope everybody had a nice weekend! *hug*
What did you guys do and how is the weather in PA and everywhere else you currently are :D
I'll put up another blog about soccer and thai food on monday or tuesday night!

ps. Just two random pics of Bamberg, when I came out from class on thursday, 8pm :D

(I like the sky in this one...)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Episode 4: A new family member without a name and some random soccer crazyness

So, last week Eric has been here in Bamberg to visit Alli and here are some pictures from the soccer match we went to.
It's very common to either go to a public viewing place, like we did (one can also go to a smaller place like a pub, restaurant, cafe), to watch it with friends at home (and consume beer and chips) or to just watch it alone - but always be sure to be very emotional, meaning screaming, cursing, jumping up and down, swearing, threatening players although - of course - they can't hear it .. etc).
For the Germany - Austria match we went to a public viewing (where they supposedly hat the biggest outdoor LED screen of Franconia) in the heart of Bamberg. Looots and loooots, I mean Looooooaads, of people in ridiculous germany outfits and colours, hats, wigs, and so on..

(I was wearing a Germany flag as a cape and Germany colors makeup because Hannes was complaining that I'm not supporting the team and blabla)
- Oops, nearly forgot to mention that Germany won.. haha

This is "Maxplatz", where we went to watch the match. Lots of people. Lots of beer and food.

Eric with an awesome Germany shirt being enthusiastic :)

Alli and Hannes - also very enthusiastic (also having some beers ..haha)

Everybody who came to the public viewing got one of these fan like thingies that one could use to make gartuitous amouts of noise (when you slapp it on someone, on yourself or on your hands..)

Hannes and me (with very Germany - esque makeup: black - red - yellow)

This actually was supposed to be a nice pic of Hannes: I was standing in front of him and he smiles at me and suddenly he looked up to the screen and there was a foul play or something and instantaneously he began screaming and cursing like hell (and that moment I snapped the pic..haha)

Eric being sneaky (just like someone who knows how to SPAGETT!)

I might have mentioned to some of you guys that I always always always wanted a pet at home because I live in a little 'attic' apparment and I'm lonely (boohoo)...

The last three years I was trying to get my parents, namely my mom, to allow me to have a bunny rabbit in my room, but all the time she was against it (it's smelly, noisy, annoying, blabla). Everyday since I'm back home from the states I have mentioned how much I'd like a bunny; this now might have annoyed her so much, or heaven knows what made her allow this, but yesterday I mentioned, that after we went grocery shopping we should stop at the pet store...
I was standing in front of the bunny cages like forever and suddnely she said something like " Come on, pick one, I'm not standing here for hours waiting for you!"...

Of course, I couldn't refuse this offer and tadaaa... here it is.. or rahter SHE is!

It's a dwarf-lionhead bunny, she is black, fuzzy and lively! The only thing is that she doesn't have a name yet! So if you have any ideas or suggestions please feel free to let me know :D

She's so curious and eager to explore.

The lady at the pet store told me that in Germany, you can sell bunnies in a store only when they are 6 weeks old. She said that she got the bunnies only yesterday! (so she is only 6 weeks old now!)

It's so funny and cute to watch how she is cleaning herself.. hehe

Namless bunny and me

Studywise I still have a lot to do.. like a loooot ..loooaads, .. lots and lots and lots of studying and papers! But at least I now have a nice little cute (nameless) distraction!

Tonight, there is the first quarter final match for Germany, which they have to win, or they'll be kicked out... It is against Portugal, which should be rahter difficult because, as Hannes, my brother and my dad explained, they are a very good team and have some exceptionally great players (my brother wanted to name the bunny after a player.. option!) I'm not going to go to the public viewing to see the game, but I guess maybe I'll study and feel like just having it on tv as a background noise or so.. I hope we win, or Hannes shall be VERY dissappointed.

I hope everyone is doing fine! Miss y'all!!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Episode 3: A dramatic twist

For the weekend I was trying to get a big chunk of my papers done, but unfortunately, as always something stopped me from working...

Friday morning I woke up and with my voice nearly gone (coming back during the day) but feeling sick and tried, although I didn't even do much.. Couldn't conentrate too well either, so I hardly got anything done...
I was still hoping for to work on my paper on sunday but - dun dun duuuunnnn - a fever kept me from doing any work.. :(

That also sucks because Eric and Alli are still here in Bamberg and I cannot do anything because I get dizzy when I stand or do anything except lying around in bed.
It's a bit better now but nevertheless I will go to bed soonish (although it's only 9.30 pm).
If I wasn't feeling really sick I would be so scared of that paper deadline, but luckily the fever is keeping me drowsy enough not to worry too bad.

This is all going to be like back in the Sates... (as if I hadn't known already..haha... ) The difference this time is: not procrastination is keeping me from working but being busy and sick.
I know that I can write 5-6 page history paper in one night, but I shall see if I can write a 20 page research paper in 2 nights :]

Also, recently I feel like I'm daydreaming a lot without even noticing it.
Just sitting somewhere, lying in bed, sitting in front of the computer, showering, eating, no matter where, I kind of drift off until somebobody sais something or I realize that I have been lost in thoughts...., weird.

So here are some of the other pics from when Melissa, Denise, Alli and me went to see stuff around Bamberg (thanx, Dad, for being our driver that day!)

At "14 Heiligen" (= 14 Saints Church): Everybody is looking at all the

christian stuff that is sold at some sort of market behind the church

At "Schloss Seehof" in Memmelsdorf. Melissa called it the Hufflepuff castel..haha

At the "Sommerrodelbahn" in Pottenstein! Having good ol' fun like kids ;)

Now I shall go back to the land of daydreams and dreams... and hopefully feel better tomorrow.

Also tomorrow there is going to be another football game in which Germany is playing, which means that we (with Hannes) are most probably to be found at the public viewing thingy in Bamberg city... how thrilling.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Episode 2: Four hectic and eventful weeks that end in trying not being kicked out of university

The last weeks have been pretty eventful anf stressful, but nevertheless I'm still alive... So here a brief update of what happened since I am back safe and sound on german ground!

The first two weeks I had a lot of running around and organizing to do. It was a lot harder then I thought to get all the permissions, approvals, stamps, signatures and paperwork done to be allowed to enter the classes 3 weeks later. (3 weeks late, because I missed the first weeks of the semester in Bamberg, because I still was in Williamsport)

After getting everything half organized I finally realized how difficult this term would become with my upcoming Zwischenprüfung (a "mid studies exam" in history and english; about everything I have learnt the past 2,5 years...)

I found out that I would have to write my term papers (which usually are written during the semester break - after semester ended) during the semester. I was assigned topics but couldn't start working right away because i was missing some important literature.. but oh well..

Then the 30th of may Allison came to my place to stay for the night and go to London the next morning... but as we found out she forgot her passport in her suitcase which still was standing in Berlin so she couldn't go to London...

I was planning on using that time she went to London to write on my termpaper (because the deadline to turn both in is the 17th - and I will be kicked out of Bamberg University if i will not make it) but now it was hard to get time to write on my paper or even read the literature..

We did a lot of stuff in Bamberg and around Bamberg till Denise and Melissa arrived the night of the 4th of June. We picked them up from the train station at 2.10 am and retuned to my place and talked about everything and anything till about 6.15 am!

The next day Melissa neede/wanted to get her hair permed, so Alli, Denise and me did our best in doing her hair! (we were so afraid of doing something wrong, to burn her hair - or make it all fall out, but in the end it turned out great .. woot woot)

Us trying to do Melissas hair :)

A picture of Alli taking a picture

Bamberg Tour: Altenburg

From what I was told by Melissa and Denise Alli is always eating. Another proof of this theory!

Names engraved on the top tower of the Altenburg

Daisies can be eaten, but do not exactely taste yummy.. eww

On our tour around Bamberg with my Dad we stopped at a Church called "14 Heiligen" devoted to 14 Saints.

Alli described the inner of the church as yummy..the pillars looking like candy..haha

Another stop on our Tour with my Dad: Schloss Seehof

Random picture of the weather the night Alli arrived in Bamberg.
Thunderstorms and heavy rain.. but after Alli arrived the weather was very nice :D

So now that Melise and Denissa (that is what i said half of the time, being totally confused) are safely back to the USA , Eric has arrived in Bamberg on Tuesday afternoon Alli and him live in an appartment just around the corner of my house in Bischberg!

During the time Alli, Denise and Melissa have been here I didn't get mich of my uni - work done (Ithought i could get more done) and I have to try hard to get everything done till the 17th.
Unfortunately I woke up with bad headaches and some sort of tummy flu yesterday morning so I lost all morning and noon studying because I went to the doctors office.
I don't really feel well and have problems concetrating.

More than that ,I canot really sleep the last 1 and a half weeks because I get so scared and axious when I try to go to sleep becaue I'm scared to fail and have to leave bamberg...

I got 5 more days to complete two papers, which absolutely positively won't work.
I asked one of my teachers if I can hand in the second paper 5 days late. I hope he will be okay with that..

I'm going to be soooo relieved when that stuff is over...

Also at the moment there is the EM (= Europa Meisterschaft - european championship of soccer) going on. Meaning that Germany is totally going crazy!
One can see flags and ppl in germany colours everywhere! And this is about the only time that you can see germany flags in our country and people being pround of their country, because when germans would be pround of their country other times they would be called bad things again .. it is hard to explain but being patriotistic in Germany was never really easy after WWII...

More pictures of our Bamberg and Sourrounding trips, soon!

Now it's time to go to bed!